Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I've been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks

Trying to get my living room back in order. I seem to be having a hard time. I think my mojo has got up and moved out. Gah! It could be the codeine (teeth issues). I just cant seem to move. I am so sleepy-ish. Blah! This is what I have so far. Not loving it. Think of taking down the fluffy balls, and orange thrift store painting...Hmph. Tell me what you think. Any suggestions?

I sit here slowly checking off things from my to do list, (and I do mean slowly), I realized to myself that I cant rely on luck. I know I have realized this before but it seems to get lost every now and again. I end up coming full circle and snap myself out of the dream land I have pushed myself back into. I mean don't get me wrong dreams are fine and dandy... But when do I wake up? I think that is my problem. I throw myself into said dream land and have a hard time grasping reality. Reality being I am most likely NOT going to win the lottery. I will not be opening my own business (at least no time soon) and I am not magical (hehe).

I know, that sounds sad to come to those realizations and there is nothing wrong with dreaming that one day they will come true. Holding on to those hopes and dreams. I think my plm is I hold on to them to tightly at times. When they don't become a reality I get sad and depressed and wonder to my self why. Why not me? Why cant I have that kind of life?

I was watching something on tv the other night and it was about stars, actors, people, growing up. Most of them said "I wanted to do this ever since I was a child". I thought to myself that's why. They wanted it that bad and here it is. They have it. I never wanted to work that hard for anything in my life. I give up so easily. If it hasn't happened then I feel sorry for myself and move on to something else. I give up. I need to find a way to change that. I WILL find a way to give up less and DO more.

I guess my point is I want, want, want, but I don't work hard at it. I don't know how. I give up and I am not very focused. Why am I telling you all this? I think it is good to get your faults out there. Look at them and try to change them. I could sweep it under the rug like I always do but then I would never learn. I NEED to learn.

This is me doing that. Learning. Who knows maybe one day I will be a better person for it. ♥

*NSD photos coming soon*


1 comment:

Crystal said...

aww cousin I think we are a product of our upbringing. Any dreams we had as kids were dashed by our parents telling us to grow up and get real. I do not believe we were ever directed in any direction as children. We made some poor decisions and have to pay for what we have done. I guess it could always be worse. We have our health, our kids are healthy and happy. We can direct them as much as we can. We can only hope they break the cycle with them.
I can at least say Im content.. yes I would want more money, more things, a better home... but I would never trade my family for any of it. We, at least, have a family that we love and can depend on.
Im here for ya cousin you know that <3